Today on my radio show, "Real Parents. Real Solutions" we raised the question "Are You Overindulging Your Child? I invited Dr. Jean Illsley Clarke, author of "How Much is Enough?" to help us determine if we are overindulgent.
Here are some parenting tips she provided called the "Test of Four" from her book (pp 13-14).
"The Test of Four: Clues to Overindulgence
There are four common clues to overindulgence:
1. Does the situation hinder the child from learning the tasks that support his or her development and learning at this age?
2. Does the situation give a disproportionate amount of family resources to one or more of the children? (Resources can include money, space, time, energy, attention and psychic input.)
3. Does this situation exist to benefit the adult more than the child?
4. Does the child's behavior potentially harm others, society, or the planet in some way?
If any of these four clues is clearly present, there is an overindulgence problem."
Jeanne's research also indicates seven "hazards" of overindulgence. The impact on children and adult children of overindulgence in any of the three ways she mentioned is disconcerting. Here are problems that may result.
- "Trouble learning how to delay gratification
- Trouble giving up status as the constant center of attention
- Trouble becoming competent in everyday skills, self-care skills, skills relating to others
- Trouble taking personal responsibility
- Trouble developing a sense of personal identity
- Trouble knowing what is enough
- Trouble knowing what is normal for other people" ( p.5)
One of the solutions is to give your children chores so they learn life skills, personal responsibility, increase their self-esteem and contribute to the family. You can get a copy of my free report: "How to Win the Chore Wars" here: http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com It's on the right side of the home page.
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