One of the parenting books I've been reading lately is "Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting." (See my review below.)
It's given me pause in several areas.
One of the points that Hara Estroff Marano makes is that parenting classes may not be a good idea. Parenting classes imply that we need to be "educated" on how to parent rather than instinctively or intuitively knowing what to do, according to Estroff Marano.
I disagree with her on this point.
When my kids were young, I took ECFE classes and found the info on child development and the parenting tips we shared so helpful. The support for other parents was also invaluable. I still keep in touch with some of the parents I met there.
How about you? Have you gained support and parenting tips from parenting classes you've attended?
When I provide parenting classes at corporations, schools and other locations, parents tell me they feel a huge sense of relief when they leave with new ideas on how to move forward with a parenting challenge. Sometimes you're just feel stuck and need some fresh ideas to move forward. Parenting classes can provide strategies that you haven't tried before which may be enough to move you through the tough times.
To help parents, I've developed 17 different parenting classes that provide solutions to the most common parenting problems. (If you'd like me to speak to your organization, a listing of classes is available here: http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/Pages/Speakerpage.html )
Twelve of those classes are also available online 24/7 at www.getparentinghelpnow.com so you can get parenting tips whenever you need them most and you don't need to wait for a class.
But, I digress...Back to Hara's book. A point that struck home for me is that many of us are too protective of our kids. We're safety czars who give our kids too little freedom. Hara points out that the chances of a child getting abducted by a stranger are so low, yet we're most afraid of this. The real danger to kids, emotionally, comes from divorce. She says that kids who don't live with two biological parents face "40 to 100 times the chance of being injured or killed." Yet, only 2% of crimes against kids are kidnappings, of which 70% of those are by family and friends.
Giving my kids more freedom in the neighborhood and other places has been hard for me but I was moved by the logic of Hara's argument and weighed it against the benefits of self-confidence my kids will gain from some new-found independence.
I was so impressed with Hara's work that I've invited her to be my first guest on my new parenting talk show, "Real Parents. Real Solutions." that will debut on www.voiceamerica.com on Wed., July 29 at Noon CT. Just post a question you may have for Hara here and I'll add it to the show.
Here's the review that I promised earlier.
Review: “A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting” by Hara Estroff Marano
With this gripping title, author Hara Estroff Marano builds a case that demonstrates that today’s parents are overparenting their children with harmful effects.
As “hothouse, intrusive parents,” Estroff Marano says that we are involved in every aspect of our child’s life, micromanaging their play experience, their school experience and their extracurricular activities. Although parents have good intentions, the author says that we are creating “fragile” children who fall apart when they enter college and the job world. By denying our children the opportunity to fail, to work through difficulties, to relax and to manage their own time, young adults collapse under the pressure of the real world with dramatic increases in anxiety, depressive disorders and self-destructive behaviors being reported on college campuses.
I’ve often wondered how we got into the cultural phenomenon of trying to raise “super kids” and this book does an excellent job of explaining how we got into this mess. I did find the book more “academic” so it is a slower read. While I disagree with some of her claims i.e. that kids used to raise themselves, I found the chapter on perfectionism particularly enlightening. I also agree wholeheartedly that most schools are failing to make learning engaging and are using “drill and kill” methods that numb most children rather creating an interest in learning.
The one downfall is an eight-page chapter at the end of the book that summarizes what parents should do. I wish the suggestions on what to do had been integrated in each chapter as well. Toni
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