I hope you gained a lot of useful information from the "Stop Back Talk and Whining" Class yesterday. I wanted to share some questions that came up after class with you and my responses.
Q. I've always heard to keep your "lectures" to 10-12 words. When using the communication wheel, it seems like using all five points might be like a lecture. Is it?
A. Good question! If my child didn't pick up her socks, I would use 10 words or less. If my child forgot about her science project, it's going to take 5 sentences! When using the Communication Wheel, I'm communicating respectfully, holding the child accountable and moving the discussion toward resolution. It will feel less like a lecture and I'm less likely to get angry. It's a great communication tool to have for important issues.
Q. When choosing which strategy to use for dealing with whining and backtalk, do you need to take your child's temperament and personality into consideration for what might work best for them.
A. Absolutely!
Q. Do you have any suggestions on figuring that out (or do you just figure it out by trial and error)? I have four children from 1 to 8, and I'm afraid I'll need SEVERAL strategies (perhaps one per child :); how will I keep this straight?
A. I offer a class on understanding your child's temperament (Maybe I'll offer that next month!) but in the short term, get a copy of "Raising Your Spirited Child." The book has an assessment for helping to determine your child's temperament and your own. If it's too confusing to remember 4 different approaches, which would be hard, just pick the one that works best for YOUR personality and be consistent with it.
Q. Because both whining and backtalk are major button-pushers for me, can you suggest some strategies for me, personally, to control my temper?
A. If you're catching the whining and backtalk early, I'm hoping you'll be less prone to anger, but if you don't, there are research-proven methods for reducing a parent's anger that I give in greater detail on my "Children's Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping" CD. In a nutshell, you want to pick a mantra to calm yourself, take deep breaths, get away from the situation and/or find a safe outlet for your anger.
Questions submitted by Karen. Answers provided by Toni!
If you have other questions, just make a post and I'd be happy to answer your questions, too.
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