Several parents have asked me why I think the killings at Virginia Tech occurred? It’s such an important question and we MUST try to examine this question so significant changes can be made to prevent this senseless tragedy from happening again. I’ll offer my thoughts below. I encourage you to share your thoughts here, on my blog, http://blog.getparentinghelpnow.com so we can work together to keep our children safe.
The killer clearly suffered from mental health issues and did not get help. There is a real stigma in our country about seeking mental health services, particularly for men. We MUST change our prejudices about mental illness, talk openly about problems and treat it with the same respect that “physical” ailments receive. Senator Paul Wellstone worked long and hard on this issue in the U.S. Congress before his death and we should rally our representatives to finish his work. Each school in America should have social workers and psychologists on staff to adequately meet the mental health concerns of students, for free.
The killer had access to assault weapons. When Australia had a mass murder 10 years ago, they changed their gun laws so that no one can buy assault weapons and they haven’t had a mass murder since. We must do the same.
We live in a culture that glorifies violence. Violent images are rampant in our culture. We must take a stand by not watching and/or buying any movies, TV shows, computer games, etc. that glorify violence.
There were red flags earlier. The killer sent offensive text messages to two female students. Let’s require that people who commit these type of offenses must attend “social skills” training classes that teach conflict management skills, empathy and anger management. One of his teachers also banned him from the classroom after frightening essays that he wrote. A policy should be put in place in every school on how to respond to these type of red flags.
The killer felt isolated. Reports are that this man did not have one visitor during the last year at school. As parents, we cannot allow estrangement to occur. Other efforts must be made to identify isolated youth and offer means for building relationships through mentoring programs or other community building programs.
The killer was bullied repeatedly as a youth. Every school in America must take a “zero tolerance” stand to bullying. Swift and appropriate action must be taken to stop any offensive language and any physical harm to students. Schools cannot just say “kids will be kids” and dismiss hurtful actions against students. Peer mediation programs have also proved successful in schools and should be expanded. (Please register for a free teleclass/webinar called "Bullying Hurts: Helping Your Child Cope and Conquer" on Thurs., May 17 at noon CT that I'm doing in cooperation with Working Family Resource Center. To register, email support@wfrc.us and include your name, phone number, the seminar name and date.
The killer clearly did not know how to handle anger, jealousy and other strong feelings in a non-aggressive manner. Every one of us has a responsibility to teach our kids how to handle strong emotions in a healthy way. As a whole, we do a lousy job of teaching our kids these skills in our culture. I’m offering a free class on Mon., May 14 at 7 p.m. CT called “Helping Your Child Express Feelings.” Please come. Register at http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/FeelingsClass.htm
Also, please join me in this discussion at http://blog.getparentinghelpnow.com. I value your insights and we must keep this conversation alive so other innocent children are not lost.
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