I would like to provide you with some ideas for how to talk with your child about the horrible killings in VA. Your child will learn of this massacre somehow because the media images are everywhere, so you should be the one to talk with your school-aged child about it.
I recommend that you strike a balance between talking to your child, listening to them and empowering them.
First of all when talking to them the first thing to do is to reassure them that they are safe and that you and their school take many steps each day to keep them safe.
Then you can tell your child that a very sad thing happened. There was a many who was very, very mad and that he hurt people at a college campus in Virginia. Some people were killed. The man died, too, so he can no longer hurt anyone.
Reassure your child that his/her school is safe and be concrete when you explain this to your child. Tell them that every visitor to the school must sign in and wear a badge, that the school doors are locked, that there is a PA system the principal can use when emergencies happen to notify people how to stay safe and that they have practiced how to stay safe when emergencies happen.
Also, reassure your child that there are many things that you do each day to keep them safe: Meeting their friends' parents, knowing where they are at all times, using cell phones, not letting them play in homes where there are unlocked guns, etc.
Then it's time to listen. Ask your child if s/he feels safe at school and explore this. Does s/he ever feel scared at school? Are there kids being mean to other kids? What happens if they are? Explore this thoroughly.
Then you can shift to empowerment. Teach your child to trust his/her gut. If your child feels uncomfortable around someone, they must trust that instinct and get away from that person whether it's a child or an adult and share those feelings with you.
Also teach your child how to be handle bullying. (I can tackle this in another blog post.)
Teach your child how to express anger in a healthy way. Do not allow any hitting or other aggression in your house. Have firm rules about this. I will be offering a free class on Mon. to teach parents ways to help their child express anger in a healthy/peaceful way.
Then you can shift to closing the loop. Limit/prohibit media exposure of the event so that your child will not have to view or hear the violent images.
Ask your child later in the day if they have heard anything about the violence at school and if so, what did they hear? Ask your child if they have any other thoughts or questions since you talked last and keep the lines of communication open.
